It's All Coming Back
by McRaider
Summary: First Installment of the Crabapple Chronicles. A year after the Korean War ended Hawkeye was finally getting his life back in order, until he meets the one woman from his past who could hold his future in her hands.(Complete)
1. Crabapple Cove

**It's All Coming Back  
**By Stephanie  
Summary: One year after the war has ended and everyone has gone home, Hawkeye is finally getting his life back into normal…that is until he meets the only woman from his past that could hold the future within her hands.  
Author's Note: We'll base this off that Hawkeye was probably born in the early 1920's to be old enough to be a doctor shortly out of medical school in the Korean War, which would make him about thirty when the Korean War ended, so let's just go with that idea and say we've taken liberties.

_"Give me that bottle, is that cup clean?" She asked, tired of sitting in this damn shack, she looked at the man with the big blue eyes, he seemed so sincere, she could only imagine moments earlier when she had to dig the piece of wood out of his leg. He had been in so much pain._

_"Can't be too dirty, whatever's in the bottom is still alive," he said grinning. She rolled her eyes and grabbed the cup from him._

_"Just pass the cup," she stated pouring the liquor. She looked at him as they both took a drink. Sighing she placed the cup back on the table and became serious, "think we'll ever get out of here?"_

_"I was just going to ask you the same question…"_

_"I don't like the war you know…I hate it, I hate the destruction, the stupidity of the waste, the disruption of personal lives," she ground out quietly, her voice becoming weak. _

_He became softer, his face serious, "Margaret what's in the letter?" He asked ever so gently. He wanted to help her, let her know he was there for her._

_"Oh well, it probably would hand you a laugh. For instance, this is only the beginning. My dear Darlene…"_

_"Is that your nick name?" He knew it was a stupid question._

_"No."_

_"Why is he calling you Darlene?" Hawkeye asked._

_"He's not calling me Darlene, he put this letter in the wrong envelope…" Hawkeye shook his head, his heart breaking for this woman. Last year he would have given anything to see her hurt, but right now all he wanted to do was comfort her, "My dear Darlene, how long it's been since we walked together on the beach at A-Wahoo, I can still see the moon light splashing on your shoulders, and hear the whoosh, whoosh, whoosh on the waves. His last letter to me dealt entirely with a self loading, semi automatic sub-machine gun, my letter went clickety click, click as where her's goes whoosh, whoosh, whoosh," she stated he looked at her in sadness._

_"And splashing moonlight." He whispered._

_"I know you've heard that I'm married," she continued, "I'm sure you'd like her, she's competent and a hard worker, she'll make an excellent hostess, all in all she's a sturdy woman…STURDY!" she screamed as she stood up, flailing the letter around._

_"Study is quite nice…it could mean…um…"_

_"I mean nothing to him! If I were a half ton truck he'd be more lyrical about me, and the even worse part is this stupid woman with the ocean whooshing all over her toes is at this minute reading the letter he meant for me."_

_He looked at her, his eyes filled with pain for her, "I'm sorry Margaret you must really hurt," he stated softly. She looked at him, fury in her eyes, not directed at him. _

_"Hurt…do you know what it feels like to give your heart to someone to live just for his handwriting to come in the mail, to lose sight of his picture because you covered it in lipstick, then to find out your sturdy," she took another drink._

_"Then to have them lob artillery at you."_

_"It certainly has been a interesting day," she whispered in a more defeated tone._

_"Margaret I wish there was something I could say to ease the pain," he said moving to sit across from her, to look her in the eyes, to let her know he was there is and when she needed him._

_"I'm all right, I've always taken great pride that I can adjust to anything." She stated strongly._

_"Margaret, why don't you get it outta your system," he wished she would just cry, just show some weakness._

_"I'm fine…thanks for the drink," she said gesturing to the cup._

_"Would you like some more?" He asked holding the bottle. She reached as he handed it to her._

_"Maybe just a sip…" he wasn't surprised when she took half a cup and chugged it down, in obvious pain._

_"I'll sleep over there," she whispered, "oh I think I should warn you, if you come over here for any reason announce yourself, I intend to swing to kill," she said holding up the piece of wood. He smiled softly._

_He remembered her screaming as he awoke to the shelling sound just outside the hut. Screaming for them to stop the bombing. Holding her…holding her, begging for it to stop…._

He sat straight up in bed, terror filling his chest at the thought of what had come next. He looked around his room, dark and all alone, this was nothing new to him. Some days he opened his eyes expecting to see BJ in the next cot, or to hear Charles' annoying snoring.

It had been a year since the war had ended, a year since he had seen any of his comrades, a year since he had hugged BJ, kissed Margaret, and laughed with Colonel Potter. He had made it further than he imagined he would. He was finally getting back into the normal rhythm of things. He was working at Crabapple Cove Clinic, but he wasn't complete, he hadn't dated much since returning from Korea. He had been spending most of his time with his friends and his father.

"Ben?" came the kind voice, looking up Benjamin "Hawkeye" Pierce met his father's deep blue eyes. He hadn't the heart to leave his father since returning. Daniel had been alone for three years, and now they just couldn't get enough of one another company.

"Dad? What time is it?"

"Seven in the morning, I heard you talking, I was worried, I'm sorry if I woke you." Hawkeye shook his head.

"No…sorry dad, I should get ready for work," Hawkeye slowly stood, preparing to gather his clothes and take a shower.

Daniel Pierce watched his son as the younger man made his way down the hall to the bathroom. He sighed, no matter how much Hawkeye tried to deny it, Korea had left it's mark, in twelve months Hawkeye was still experiencing bad dreams, or flashbacks. Although not as bad as they had been, he was still having problems. He had gotten back into the busy life, trying to become occupied again.

Ben bid his father a goodbye twenty minutes later and drove to the clinic. The Crabapple Cove Clinic was on the edge of the sweet little town, six doctors worked there, with several nurses and of course David Dewitt, their supervisor.

It was a small one story brick building, twenty minutes from the actual Hospital, where most of the doctors did their afternoon rounds. Ben smiled as he pulled up beside his friend's car. It was days like this that made him feel much more at home than he had in the beginning.

He was greeted by the desk clerk Nancy St. James, "Morning Dr. Pierce," he smiled at her and looked down at the small boy sitting on the desk beside her. He had bleach blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Ben reached across the desk and ruffled the boy's hair.

"Hey Stevie, where's your dad?" he asked. The boy shrugged. Grinning Ben reached out and took the five year old into his arms. Stevie had been the one to help him get used to little children again. Mark Sloane was a good friend of his from high school; about six years ago he had married the love of his life Katherine Cranston, the two were happily married now with two little children, Steven being the eldest and Carol being the newest addition to the family. Mark and Stevie had come with Daniel to the airport when Ben arrived home, they had been there to help show Ben the good things in life again.

"Let's go find him then," the boy nodded as he sat against Ben's hip, "say bye bye Nancy," he chuckled as Nancy waved at the boy in response to Stevie's wave.

Stevie had become a mascot for the clinic, he didn't start school for another three months and until then he joined Mark at work every day, he had for the past nine months, or since the birth of his baby sister. Since the birth of his baby sister nine months ago Katherine had been on the edge, with Carol having cholic and crying it was hard to care for her and a rowdy five year old boy. So like any sane woman she told her husband to come up with an idea. At first Daniel Pierce, or Grandpa Daniel, as Stevie referred to him, had offered to care for the little boy. However, Daniel Pierce was still Doctor Pierce part time to most of the older members of the Crabapple Community. So Mark had decided bringing the boy to work was the best option and besides Stevie loved it.

"Daddy!" Stevie cried as he saw his father in the lounge. Mark grinned as he spotted his dear friend and his little boy.

"Hey there big guy," Mark said taking the boy into his arms. He looked up at Ben and smiled.

"You look like hell," Mark chuckled. Ben shook his head as he poured himself a cup of coffee and had a seat before his first appointment. Mark sat across from him and sighed.

"Oh good you're both here," came David's voice. Looking up Ben and Mark eyed their intrepid boss, he was a great and friendly man, in his fifties, he had been the man to deliver both Mark and Ben, to watch them grow and now be working with them was a dream come true for him.

"Here and awaiting a coffee break," joked Ben. David shook his head.

"Thank you Ben, look guys, I know you're not into the whole convention thing, but there's a medical convention next week, and I want you both there."

"Wait…why us?" Mark asked looking at Ben and then back at David.

"Because you are my head surgeons, two of my best, and I don't trust anyone else for the job. I know you can go, come home and give me the heads up on all the new stuff. Look boys I don't generally ask these favors of you, but I need this one."

"Great…where is it," Ben stated.

"Michigan, you leave day after tomorrow first thing in the morning."

"Lovely…" Mark replied.

"Can I go?" Stevie asked from his father's lap. David smiled and knelt down in front of the young boy.

"I'm sorry Stevie, not this time, but when you get bigger you can become a doctor just like your daddy," David said smiling, "now, if you'll excuse me, I've got paper work that is just calling my name," with that the man headed out the door. Ben grunted in annoyance and shook his head.

"So…guess we're stuck on a plane for three hours," Mark said chuckling.

"Yep…poker or chess?" Ben grinned.

"Poker, I'm just dying to get my eighty bucks you owe me," laughed Mark as they got up and headed out the door.

Daniel walked into his son's bedroom the next evening, watching his son pack in a hurry. Hawkeye had never liked packing, in fact as a child Daniel's wife Elizabeth had packed Ben's clothes until she died.

"Seems all too familiar," Daniel whispered. Ben smiled as he looked up at his father.

"I'll be back Friday next week, I promise…want anything?" Daniel chuckled.

"No thank you son, just be safe," Ben nodded and looked at his father.

"Dad…thanks…" he didn't know what else to say, he used to be great at telling his father how much he loved him. However suddenly he couldn't find the words. Daniel smiled and took a step forward, taking his only child into his arms.

"I love you too," Daniel whispered.

_Colonel Potter had decided to ride his horse, Sophie, to the orphanage where he would take a jeep to get home. He quickly occupied his hands with his horse's saddle, unsure if he could face the boys he had come to see as sons.  
_

_"Well, boys, it would be hard to call what we've been through fun, but I'm sure glad we went through it together. You boys always managed to give me a good laugh, right when I needed it most. Never forget the time you dropped Winchester's drawers in the O.R. 'Course I had to pretend I was mad at you but, inside...," pausing, as he tried to get his voice steady again, he continued, " I was laughin' to beat all Hell!"  
_

_"Yeah. I'm laughing just thinking about it," Hawkeye lied as he watched his dear friend. Colonel Potter smiled weakly as he faced the boys._

_"I'd __love__ a good laugh like this." Whispered BJ. Colonel Potter nodded as he mounted his horse _

_"We've been thinking about a little something to give you before you left," B.J. said. "It's not much," Hawkeye said, "but it comes from the heart." And the two men stood to attention and saluted their departing CO. The man's eyes watered as he returned the respect back and then trotted off. _

_They both looked at each other for a moment, Hawkeye looked up at the helicopter pad seeing and hearing his mode of transportation, "Sounds like my taxi's here,"  
_

_"Come on, I'll give you a ride," Hawkeye nodded and followed BJ to his motorcycle. _

_They rode up to the helicopter pad, getting off and looking at the helicopter, Hawkeye turned to his friend and smiled, "Look, I know how tough it is for you to say goodbye, so __I'll__ say it. Maybe you're right, maybe we __will__ see each other again, but just in case we don't, I want you to know how much you've meant to me. I'll never be able to shake you; whenever I see a pair of big feet or a cheesy mustache, I'll think of you."  
_

_"Whenever I smell month-old socks, I'll think of __you," replied BJ_._  
_

_"Or the next time somebody nails my shoe to the floor..."  
_

_"...or when somebody gives me a martini that tastes like lighter fluid."  
_

_"I'll miss you," Hawkeye whispered.  
_

_"I'll miss __you__--a lot. I can't imagine what this place would've been like if I hadn't found you here!" The two men enveloped each other in hugs._

"Sir…" came the gentle tap on his shoulder. Jolted from his thoughts he looked up at the woman on the plane. She was beautiful, and sweet looking, probably about ten years younger than himself.

"I'm sorry," he whispered smiling at her.

"It's all right, I was just going to tell you the plane will be landing soon," he nodded his thanks and watched her head towards the back of the plane. Sighing he looked out the window, feeling a pang of sadness in his heart at the thoughts of the past. It had been a year since the end of the war, and he remembered the feeling. He never thought he would miss the war, he didn't; it was the people he desperately missed. He missed his friends, all of them, even Charles.

"Mark…Mark wake up," He nudged his friend next to him, the man snorted as he awoke, only a few years older than Ben, Mark was a wonderful man with a great family, a son of seven and a daughter of two, they were wonderful kids, and Katherine; Mark's wife was a wonderful friend and woman. The man's icy yet soft blue eyes opened, "how you doing?" Ben asked.

"Fine, Steven's been having those nightmares again, we almost there?" Ben nodded.

"Well, we should be landing any minute," Ben explained gently. Mark nodded his thanks and relaxed back into his seat, trying to imagine anything but his little boy. His son's seventh birthday was in three days and there was a chance he wouldn't be home for it.

"So where is it at?" Mark asked.

"Um…Michigan University Convention Centre," Ben replied.

"Lovely…"

They landed a little over twenty minutes later and headed to their hotel. The first meeting would be tomorrow morning at eight at the Convention Centre. As Ben sat down on his bed he realized his mind was more on the war than it had been in the past six months. For awhile he had a lot of trouble getting over the war and how it ended and saying goodbye to his friends.

Now after finally readjusting to life in little Crabapple Cove, he found himself thinking about all of them more now. He sighed as he closed his eyes, allowing the tired haze to set into his bones, he had twelve hours to waste before he had to be up tomorrow morning for breakfast. He closed his eyes, allowing his mind to wander, and allowing the dreams to invade his sleep.

_She had the most beautiful blue eyes, that could become fiercely icy when angry, vacant when sad and sparkle when happy. That was the one thing he always knew about her. To most people Margaret was a closed book, that no one could easily open and that most didn't even give a damn about looking at. _

_Not him, he always knew her, he understood her every mood, at least the last two years of the war he did. He read her like a book that was opened in front of him that he never put down. So as she walked out of the mess tent that day the first thing he did was crack a joke, knowing it wasn't the joke she needed to hear._

_"Margaret? Aren't you staying for the floor show? The cook's going to confess," he was a little worried when she brushed past him was a barely audible 'excuse me'. Worry instantly perked him as he followed her._

_"Hey are you okay?" He asked._

_"Leave me alone," she replied coldly. He wasn't shaken off so easily._

_"Hey, what's you're hurry, let's talk a little," he knew it was what she needed, even if she was clueless._

_"What do you want?" She asked facing him just in front of the swamp. She could read the concern in his face, in his beautiful azure eyes. She could never tell him the truth, the truth about how she felt. Just like he would never be able to tell her._

_"Well you look all choked up, and I don't think it's the food."_

_"I don't know what you're talking about, and anyway it's none of your business," he shook his head, he was used to her act. She always assumed if she became rude people would leave her alone to build up her own walls. He knew better…_

_"It might help to talk. Look, two ears, no waiting." he said. She glared at him._

_"Would you stop annoying me?" she asked._

_"Fine!" he said, "I thought something was bothering you, and I wanted to help."_

_"You're always trying to get into my head when there's nothing there!" she said, as they both stopped outside her tent._

_"Look, Margaret, sooner or later this place gets to everybody!" he said._

_"I don't fall over Captain. Everything around here will be just fine if there's a little less leaning, and a lot more leadership. We need obedience. We need discipline. Not this chaos. Doctors like you, always out of uniform. Nurses who don't belong in uniform. Dogs running around loose in camp, they're getting run over by jeeps!" she said, almost crying. She turned and stormed into her tent, leaving him, slightly confused standing outside. After a moment, he followed her in. "Get out of here!" she ordered._

_"No." he said. "Your emotions are all churned up. You're not doing yourself a favor keeping a cork on it. Let it out."_

_"There is nothing to let out!" she snarled, almost crying. "I am not churned up, I am not emotional. If you want to cork something, go cork your mouth. Go. Will you just go? Go on, will you just..."her tears were starting to come, and she didn't want to show emotions, she didn't want to be weak in front of him._

_"Margaret," he interrupted. "I saw you sneaking food to that dog all week. And this morning it got run over. You're trying to tell me you're not upset by that?"_

_"I've got people dying all around me! You think I'd get upset because a dog gets run over? Why should I get upset about...about a... little dog." she sobbed. She turned her back on Hawkeye and started to cry, her shoulders shaking from her sobs. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her gently. He prayed she knew, he was pleased when she turned in his arms, turning to sob into his arms. He held her close, as she buried her face in his shoulder, soaking his shoulder. He didn't seem to care, he just held her close, allowing her to cry out all her problems._

_"It's okay Margaret, we all lose it now and then."_

_"You never lose it," she whimpered. He chuckled as he pulled away slightly, looking into her eyes he shook his head._

_"Margaret, you are the strongest woman I have ever met, I lose it all the time, probably too often. I try and drink away my sorrows, but they're still here, the war is still here. The difference is I have someone to talk to. You shut yourself out Margaret, you have no one to talk to…well I'm here…you can talk to me, anytime of the day or night," he said gently, pulling her back into a hug._

_"Thank you," she whimpered._

_"You've got friends Margaret, more than it may seem."_

He gasped as he sat up in his bed, looking around he realized he was in the hotel room in Boston. He wiped his damp forehead and looked at the clock… 4:39, he would have to wake up in two hours anyway. Shaking his head again to clear his thoughts he moved to the bathroom.

He stood under the hot water for twenty minutes, letting it douse him in the warming liquid, allowing some tension to roll off him. It hadn't been a nightmare, just an unexpected dream.

By the time he came out of the shower dressed and prepared for the meetings it was nearing 5:30 and he could hear Mark in the next room starting to get ready. With a grunt he decided to head downstairs to get some breakfast and read for awhile.

By six twenty Mark had joined him in the silent meal and they ready to head to the Convention.


	2. The Convention

A/N: I apologize and thank all those who took notice the Convention will be taking place in Michigan, although a friend and I did look to see if there was a Boston Michigan. We didn't see one, so we just kept it in Michigan. Thank you for your reviews and patience.  
After some persuasion from my dear friend at school I was convinced to change Ben back to Hawkeye. Although I still feel it seperates him from the war, I will change it back. I thought I'd let you know and I will try to keep it consistant.

* * *

It was a good twenty minute drive to the convention centre, Mark drove it, having offered ifHawkeye would drive back to the hotel for the night.Hawkeye stared out the window most of the time, thinking, he was only hours away from Klinger who lived in Toledo, if the man was even back from Korea yet. Part of him desperately wanted to go and visit the dear friend. However he realized he was only hours away from Boston every day and never visited Trapper or Charles. He paused, realizing he hadn't actually thought about Trapper since the man had left Korea. 

By the timeHawkeye and Mark finally reached the Convention Centre, the place was becoming filled. Mark andHawkeye entered the large room, looking around they took it all in, it was like most Conventions…packed.Hawkeye searched the area, praying to see someone he recognized. He remembered laughing as he and BJ both realized they would never got to one of these damn conventions. Now here he was, and BJ was nowhere to be seen, probably.

"You must be Dr. Pierce and Dr. Sloane, I'm Dr. William Jackson, David called and said you would be here, I have people I'm supposed to introduce you to. We'll be working in groups for this Convention. Come I'll introduce you to the other two members of our group,"Hawkeye looked at Mark, a grimace on their faces as they followed the obviously older man. Hawkeye was never thrilled with the idea of being paired in groups with people he didn't know.

Hawkeyewasn't expecting what he saw next, there they stood, the sandy blonde haired man, and his blonde friend. His heart stopped as the face of the man turned to look at him, blue eyes met blue eyes. Instantly his eyes began to water.

Both men opened their mouths to speak, but no sound came out, the woman turned to face him as well, obviously stunned to see him here. He looked her over, pleased she was not wearing a ring, pleased to see they both looked well.

"Pierce, Sloane, I'd like to introduce you to…"

"Captain BJ Hunnicutt…"Hawkeye looked at him, "and Major Margaret Houlihan…" he whispered softly. He took a step closer and enveloped BJ in a tight hug. He was still speechless. He let his best friend go and looked at Margaret.

"Hello Hawk," she whispered smiling, he grinned and pulled her into a hug.

"I've missed you…more than you may ever know," he replied in a whisper. The three friends grinned as the continued to hold one another for a moment.

"I thought we weren't the type of guys to attend these conventions," BJ joked, tears evident in his voice.

"Me either…guess things changed," he shook his head, reaching out he squeezed his friend's shoulder.

"I never shook you…there has never been a friend like you, just ask Peg…I've talked about nothing else but you for the past twelve months, you and Margaret."

"Me either…" pausing he looked at her, "Margaret," he grinned. Turning he looked at Mark.

"Mark, this is Margaret Houlihan and BJ Hunnicutt…"

"From Korea? Wow, small world," he said as he grinned, shaking their hands.

"This is my friend Mark, he helped pull me back to the real world,"Hawkeye said smiling.

"Then we owe you a lot," Margaret said grinning gently.

The convention flew by quickly for the first several hours. Mark and Dr. Jackson had hit it off and decided to join each other for some lunch. While BJ, Margaret andHawkeye went to lunch at a cute restuarunt nearby the Centre.

"So did you know you were both coming to this thing?"Hawkeye asked grinning.

"Well, about two months after the end of the war I retired early from the Army, and went back to California to work in a hospital as a nurse. I found out BJ was still in Mill Valley a couple weeks later and I got in contact with him," Margaret said grinning.

"We spent the first few months just talking back and forth on the phone, then Peg offered her dinner. Margaret moved to an apartment just outside Mill Valley and took a job at my hospital. She comes over every Friday for a home made dinner and she's become my patients' preferred nurse," BJ said smiling.

"Peg is wonderful, she and I hit it off the first time we met, ever since we've been best friends, and Erin…she's beautiful Hawkeye, you really should come back to California and meet them," Margaret said smiling.Hawkeye looked at her and grinned in return.

"I may just do that…this is wonderful, I can't tell you how happy I am to see you guys."

"Well it was pure chance…my friend Greg Patterson told me about this Convention and that they had a couple new surgical techniques, I mentioned it to Peg and she said I should really go. Margaret had already booked a flight for herself, so when she heard I was coming she just made a second booking."

"This is wonderful…BJ, I'm really sorry, I…I thought of calling a couple times, but every time I did…"

"I did too, it was just too painful at times, after a few months all my nightmares pretty much tapered off…I feared if I started calling anyone they would just come back,." BJ whispered.

"Same here," murmured Hawkeye.

"Anyway so how are things is Crabapple Cove?" BJ asked.

"Um…great, it's nice, I work in a clinic of about nine or ten doctors, we do rounds in the morning and work until about five every evening. It's a nice job, compared to the war."

"Do you still perform Surgery?" Margaret asked.

"Yep, not as much as I used to, thank god they don't need it as much, but I do it probably about once every two weeks or so."

The week went quickly, all too quickly for BJ, Margaret and Hawkeye. The three friends and Mark all stood in the airport, "I'll come visit next week, and I'll give you a call before I leave Maine," explained Hawkeye.

"Peg will be thrilled, she's been dying to meet you…and I can't wait for you to meet Erin," BJ said smiling. Hawkeye grinned and looked at Margaret.

"It's going to be a long week without you…I'd be honored if you'd consider joining me for one evening next week?" Margaret smiled.

"Do you even have to ask?" She said grinning.

"Until next week then, take care of yourselves," he said smiling. With a final hug and a wave goodbyeHawkeye and Mark got on the plane to head back to Maine, while Margaret and BJ went to catch their flight home.

"It was really great dad, I mean…really great, to see them again…" Daniel smiled at his son as he stood by the door, leaning against the frame as his only child unpacked all his clothes.

"But…" Daniel asked, sensing the but his son was thinking.

"But I wish I hadn't been so reclusive the first year back. Dad I wasted a year when I could have been getting to know BJ's family and Margaret a little better."

"Ben, son; did it dawn on you that you just came back from a war. No one expected you to do anything but try to get back into your life. BJ was probably trying to get used to having his own life as well. Son, I remember those first few months and I remember how hard they were for you."

"I felt like an outsider in my own home," Hawkeye whispered sadly, remembering those first few horrible months. His father had done his best to help his son feel welcome, but it hadn't really helped.

"And BJ probably did too son, this may be the perfect time for you all to come back into each other's lives. Here you are, lonely and suddenly BJ and Margaret come back into your life. My guess is you all need each other as much as you need them."

"But how are we going to manage this dad? I mean it's not like I can afford to fly out there every weekend and visit, and BJ can't afford it either. And what about Margaret…"

"What about her?" Daniel asked looking at his son. Hawkeye sat down on the bed and looked up at his father. Sighing he shook his head.

"When we were in Korea…the first year I couldn't stand her, she was everything I hated about the army. She was all military, and even worse she was a woman. I hated what the army could do to a wonderful woman like her. Then shortly after Frank Burns left and Donald started cheating on her, I started becoming friends with her…"

"Yes I remember some of your letters home…I wondered."

"I fell in love with her dad. In the middle of a war and here I was falling in love with the woman I loved to hate."

"And now?"

"Now, I thought I was over her, kind of how I thought I was over Carley until she showed up at the 4077th one day. Every feeling, every thought that left my mind a year ago suddenly flew back full force and hit me in the stomach. I was stunned, winded, confused, excited, sweating and dying to hold her all over again."

"So what's the real problem here?" Daniel asked his son simply.

"She lives on the other side of the continent; how are we supposed to make any relationship like that ever work?"

"Ben, your mother and I were very in love with each other. I remember being in love with her, and I can tell you now that if you're feeling what I felt and if Margaret is feeling what Elizabeth felt; then it can work."

"But dad…"

"Ben, don't you think she at least deserves the chance to turn the idea down or not. Give her a chance before you turn the idea of being happy down. Go out with her, invite her to one of our crab fests, or to the Annual Crabapple Doctor's Ball in January. Give her the chance to fall in love with you like you've fallen for her."

Hawkeyelooked up at his father, suddenly remembering why he loved this man so much. He shook his head, "Mom always said you were wise when you chose to speak of it."

"Your mother was a pretty smart cookie herself. She'd want you to be happy son…I want you to be happy." With a gentle smile Daniel headed out the door, bidding his son a goodnight as he made his way into his own room.

LeavingHawkeye to think alone to himself about what his father had said. Perhaps the older man was right, he deserved the chance to be happy, and Margaret may be the only woman who could make him as happy as he felt at the moment.

_Benjamin "Hawkeye" moved into the den where his father sat at his desk, going over some of his patient's files when the man looked up to see his six year old son standing there looking innocent and young. _

_"Everything okay son?" Daniel asked. The boy shrugged and moved towards his father. Smiling Daniel lifted the boy up into his arms, holding him close. The boy instantly returned the hug._

_"Daddy…can I marry mommy when I grow up?" the sincere blue eyes were almost more than Daniel could take. He chuckled softly and ran a hand down the boy's head, allowing it to rest against his neck._

_"Um, well son, mommy is already married," the boy looked down._

_"Oh…you wouldn't want to share her?" Daniel laughed heartedly this time, grinning at the sheer innocence of his little boy._

_"Hawkeye, one day you're going to meet a woman who is lovely just like your mother. And you'll probably love her just as much, but in a different sort of way than you love your mommy. Then you can marry her, and have a little son with her who will want to marry his mommy."_

_"Daddy…"_

_"Yes Hawkeye?'_

_"Mama is sick isn't she?" The boy's face becoming serious. Daniel took a deep breath and nodded._

_"Yes Benjamin, mommy is very sick, but she's going to be fine, I promise," he whispered pressing a kiss to the top of the boy's head. Ben leaned into his chest, thinking silently to himself._

_"Daddy, what'll happen to us if mama dies?" Daniel had to sniff back his tears as he looked down at the innocent little boy in his arms. _

_"Then we'll have to go on and do the best we can son. Ben, people die everyday, it's a natural but painful part of life."_

_"People's mommies die everyday?" He asked, his eyes full of tears._

_"Some do yes. Ben, I know it's painful now, but we have to take this one day at a time and hope for the best."_

_"Daddy…you're not going to leave me…are you?" Daniel sighed._

_"Ben, like your mommy I'm not always going to be here. No one lives forever, but I promise I will do my best to be here for as long as you need a daddy. And your mommy will always be in your heart," Daniel whispered gently._

_"Am I gonna get sick like mommy?" _

_"No, whatever made you think that?" Daniel asked looking at his little boy._

_"Toby says that cancers cont…cont…"_

_"Contagious?"_

_"Yeah…"_

_"Son,what shehasisn't contagious, it's just not treatable right now, come on let's go up and see your mommy right now, I think you could little dose of mommy love," Daniel hoisted the boy against his hip and made his way upstairs. Opening the door to his bedroom Daniel placed his son down on his feet. Ben instantly hurried to the large bed and did his best to climb up atop the bed. Daniel almost scolded Ben when he saw the boy trying to use the bottom shelf to their bedside table. However it was the sweet look Beth shot him that stopped him. He felt his eyes burn with tears when Ben moved close to his mother. She wrapped her arms around her sweet, and innocent baby boy and held him. Her hand gently caressing his head, trying to let him know his mommy was still there._

_Daniel smiled gently, removing his shoes he moved over to the bed and lay down beside them, he wrapped his arm around Beth's waist, pulling her closer and joined her in soothingly rubbing their son's back. _

Hawkeyesat up in his bed, shaking his head, he hadn't thought about his mother in a long time. He and his father rarely talked about her, but suddenly he could vividly remember her every detail, her beautiful sandy blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes.

He flipped the light on by his bedside and looked down at the picture on the table. It was a picture similar to the one from his dream, his mother, healthy, holding a five year old boy to her hip, while Daniel stood behind them both looking proud.

He sighed, he wanted to be that family, he wanted to have a wife like his mother and have a sweet little boy or girl in his life, he needed and wanted it. Taking a deep breath he lay back against his pillows and allowed his mind to wander again, wander at the thought of Margaret and at the thought of a family…with her.


	3. Old Friends

Author's Note: Thank you for those of you who pointed out the already obvious, I am aware that Hawkeye's mother died when he was ten, and she was ill in his memory, however that wasn't the memory where she died. I felt it important that he had a memory when he was with his mother. She was very ill, I figured you would all just realize it wasn't the cancer. Which it wasn't. I am well aware, having seen every epsiode when Mrs. Pierce died. This part of the story line is continued in the next story where Hawkeye explains it a little further.

* * *

Hawkeye was pleased when he got off the plane and was greeted by his two best friends and BJ's wife and daughter. "Hawkeye, this is my daughter Erin and my wife Peg. Peg this is Hawkeye," Bj introduced.Peg was a beautiful woman, the pictures BJ had shown him in Korea did her little justice. 

"It's wonderful to finally meet you," Peg said grinning. Hawkeye smiled and pulled her into a hug, all too thrilled to admit how pleased he was to meet her.

"I feel like I've known you forever,"Hawkeye said smiling.

"I feel the same about you…what should I call you?"

"Ben or Hawkeye is fine."

"I like Hawkeye," she said grinning.

"So do I, and you must be Erin," he knelt down in front of the sweet little girl and shook her hand.

"Erin this is your Uncle Hawkeye," BJ said kneeling by her side. The girl smiled a toothy grin and moved forward, hugging him around the neck.Hawkeye chuckled and hugged the little girl back.

"Margaret…" he said standing again. He pressed a kiss to her hand lovingly, "it's wonderful to see you again. Margaret grinned and nodded.

"So, how does lunch sound?" BJ asked grinning.

"Sounds delicious, I'm starving,"Hawkeye said chuckling.

"So come on, tell us about Crabapple Cove," BJ said as he walked hand in hand with his wife.Hawkeye had lifted a very willing Erin into his arms to carry her, Margaret by his side.

"Oh it's beautiful, you'll have to come by someday, the work is great," explained Hawkeye, having never felt so happy in his entire life.

"What about your father?" Margaret inquired.

"Can you believe the man hasn't retired yet, he's in his late fifties, you would think he's learn to take it easy," chuckled Hawkeye. "What about you Margaret, what did old Al think when he heard you were giving up the army?"

Margaret smiled gently and shook her head, "he was anything but happy, in fact livid would be a great word for it."

"Well he always was a little special," laughed BJ.

"When we were in Korea he ripped into us about not being proper army,"Hawkeye explained as he looked at Peg.

"Can you believe that…us, un-military, that was like saying Klinger wanted out of the army," Peg grinned at her husband.

"Klinger was probably more anti-army than we were," joked Hawkeye.

"You guys weren't far off," laughed Margaret. Ben grinned at her and shrugged.

"In Korea the only way to stay sane was to act insane," stated Hawkeye.

"It's true…"

"So how is he?" BJ asked again.

"As…Al as ever," it was the only way she knew how to describe her father. In the past two years she had learned the difference between a father and a dad.

"Yes well…that's one thing he'll always be," chuckled Hawkeye.

After lunch they all returned to BJ's house, where Hawkeye was shown his room, and he just got to talk to his friends. The next morning BJ and Margaret proceeded to show Hawkeye the town. Around five Margaret went home to get ready for her little date with Hawkeye.

"You gonna tell her the truth?" BJ asked as he watched his best friend play with his tie. Hawkeye looked in the mirror and turned to look at him.

"You know?"Hawkeye asked.

"For awhile I just kind of assumed, but Hawk, it was obvious to everyone in the camp but you two, how well you fit together,"Hawkeye sighed and sat down beside his best friend.

"She lives here no Beej, this is her life, she loves living near you guys…"

"She'd love living with you more, come on Hawk, I know Margaret, she's missed you as much as you've missed her," stated BJ.

"I don't know if I'm cut out for marriage, I'm not like you Beej, I'm…I'm a womanizer," he stated.

"Hawk…Hawkeye, that all changes, and I know if you told Margaret and you guys did something about it, then it would change for you too. Give her and yourself the chance."

"What about the space between us, good grief Beej, it's the same problem you and I will have. In two weeks I'll go back to Maine, we'll try to keep in touch but…" he stopped and shook his head, he got up and moved back to the mirror to continue fixing his tie, "I shouldn't have come, who am I kidding."

"Hawk, just stop for a minute okay," BJ stood up and moved over to his best friend. "We'll find a way Hawkeye, true friendships last, remember what Colonel Potter said, Friendships are rare in the army. But I found you, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let distance stop you from being a part of my life…of Erin's life. I know Margaret will feel the same way."

"I couldn't move here Beej, as much as I'd love to, I can't, my dad…"

"We'll think of something Hawk, you won't leave Crabapple…Peg always talks about wanting snow, maybe this Christmas we'll come to Crabapple Cove for a real Christmas, snow and all…"

"I'd really like that."

"Good, now tell her, she has the right to know that the only man she ever loved is just as in love with her as she is with him."

"When did you get so smart?"

"I got it from my best friend I met in Korea," he smiled softly and nodded. With a final yank on his tie he took a deep breath and headed out the door, barrowing BJ's car for the night.

Peg came over to him as BJ watched his best friend drive off, she smiled as she wrapped her arms around his waist, "I've always wanted tovisit Maine, I hear it's beautiful in the winter and in the summer," BJ grinned as he rubbed her arms, just holding her, enjoying that he was so close to her again.

"What do you think about Christmas in Maine?" he asked gently.

"Sounds lovely…BJ, honey I'd do anything for you, and if it meant going to Maine so you could be close to your best friends, then I would easily and happily follow."

"I love you Peg," he whispered.

"And I you," she replied kissing him on the lips.

She was nervous, she found it so hard to believe, she had been married once already, but she had never felt like this around him. His arm was wrapped around her waist as he walked her to her apartment door. The dinner had been wonderful, the restaurant beautiful, the food delicious, the company…amazing. She felt enamored with him all over again. She smiled as she unlocked the door to the apartment.

"Margaret…tonight has been a dream come true, and I'll be honest when I say I don't want it to end any time soon. I've had two people tell me not to let you go…and if I were to rely on my brain I wouldn't listen to them…but they're right, you deserve to know the truth. I love you, I've been head over heels in love with you for three years. I don't expect you to change your life for me, but you do have the right to know."

She smiled gently at him, leaning forward she kissed his lips, turning she headed into her apartment. He watched her close the door and grinned. He prayed she felt the same way.

Margaret took a deep breath as she leaned against her door. This changed everything. Of course she loved him, she adored him and knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. But she had a life here, a job here, BJ and Peg were here. She and Peg had become so close, she wasn't sure what she'd do without Peg by her side to help her through the tougher moments. As Hawkeye and BJ had found friends in each other, Margaret had instantly found a friend to talk with in Peg, and visa versa.

She took another deep breath and moved away from the door, deciding to think on what he said. Looking at the phone she picked it up and suddenly started dialing, "Peg, its Margaret…can you help me?"

"She didn't say anything Beej…" Ben explained simply.

"Well…when I first told Peg I loved her, she didn't respond right away," BJ replied, hoping to comfort his best friend at least a little.

"Maybe I shouldn't have told her," Ben said getting off the couch and starting to pace.

"No wait a minute, give the woman a little credit where it's due Hawk, she's a strong woman and I'm sure she appreciated the fact you at least told her. Give her time to adjust a little. Good grief Hawk you just told her you love her. She's probably feeling a million different emotions, and she's got to sort through every one of them before she is able to give you the response you're looking for. She loves you Hawk she adores you, she just has to realize it. You said it yourself once, she's so good at keep in all her emotions that to suddenly have them and not be able to share them is hard for her. Give her the chance to at least think about."

"I'm tired, think I'll head off to bed…" Hawkeye got up and headed upstairs.

"Ben…" Ben stopped, it was the first time BJ had ever called him by his first name. He turned to look at his best friend, BJ smiled, "sounds funny coming from me after calling you Hawkeye for two years. She does love you, and once she comes to that conclusion, I know you guys will be happy together,"Hawkeye smiled at his dear friend.

"Thanks Beej, thanks," with that he headed upstairs. Leaving BJ alone in the living room.

Hawkeyesmiled as he awoke to the beautiful aroma of bacon, eggs and pancakes. He grinned, feeling it was almost too good to be true. He had been feeling that way a lot lately since his three years in Korea.

Taking a deep breath he got up from the guest bed, grabbed a pair of pants and a sweat shirt. He headed down stairs, he smiled as Peg looked up from where she stood at the stove.

"Well good morning Hawkeye," greeted Peg fondly. He smiled and took a seat at the bar.

"Good morning, how are you today?" He inquired.

"I am wonderful, BJ's taking a shower, and Erin is still asleep," she filled him in. He nodded.

"Peg…you're Margaret's friend right?" Peg smiled gently, she turned to look at him.

"I'd like to think that we're as close as you and BJ are."

"Has she ever talked to you about me?" He asked gently.

"Hawkeye, as much as I'd love to tell you everything I think that would go under friendship and trust. Would you tell me everything BJ did in Korea?"

"No, I suppose not, although he never did anything," she chuckled.

"I know that Hawkeye, BJ mailed me about the only time he ever had a problem, we've sorted it out. Hawk, can I tell you something about being married?"

"I guess."

"It's all about trusting the person your with. You just have to trust that she knows where her heart is. Just like I had to trust BJ knew where his was."

"In Mill Valley,"Hawkeye replied smiling. Peg nodded.

"Exactly. You can't be married to someone you don't trust."

"You're a good woman Peg Hunnicutt," she grinned.

"Thanks, I like to think so."

"SUPER BABY TO THE RESCUE!" called BJ Hunnicutt as he and Erin came down the stairs, the little girl being held high above his head as she spread her arms out in front of her, giggling.Hawkeye grinned as he watched BJ clutch Erin with one arm and kiss his wife with the other.

"Wonderful just in time for breakfast," Erin said grinning as she kissed both her husband and her daughter.

"You weren't trying to but in on my woman were ya Hawk?" BJ asked jokingly as he sat down beside the man.

"Are you kidding, you've got this woman wrapped around your finger,"Hawkeye chuckled.

"More like I've got him around mine," laughed Peg, "Ben tell me all about Maine, what's Crabapple Cove look like?"Hawkeye grinned.

"It's beautiful, in the winter when it snows, it's really cold but everything is covered in snow and ice it looks majestic. In the fall the leaves are all turning amazing shades of color, I one told a patient of mine that it was like God had made new colors just for you to enjoy."

"Breakfast is served," Peg said placing the food down on the table, a smile on her face.


	4. Going Home

By the end of the week Ben was all but ready to head home, he missed his father, but as he stood in front of BJ again for the second time in three weeks, he felt his heart in his throat. Peg stood beside BJ, holding Erin, who looked sad to see her "Uncle Ben" go.

"So I'll see you for Christmas," Ben asked.

"Yep, we'll probably be there for a week, we'll give you a call we all the plans are in place," BJ said smiling.

Ben nodded and looked at Peg and Erin, with a sad smile he reached out for the little girl and lifted her into his arms. "It has been a pleasure to get to know you Erin. Your daddy is a fine man and a great friend. I hope that I get the chance to watch him and Peg raise you into a fine young woman. You behave okay," the girl nodded and hugged him around the neck. With a deep sigh he pressed a kiss to the toddler's temple and handed her back to Peg.

"You take care of yourself, and tell your father we can't wait to see you." Peg said pressing a kiss to Ben's cheek.

"I will. You take care of this big lug…and what I said about him during Korea, I meant it." She smiled gently and nodded.

"I know, and thank you."

Ben looked at his best friend and sighed, "I'd say goodbye, but I know we'll see each other again, and soon."

"We're really like it if you and Dr. Pierce decided to come for Thanksgiving, it would be a pleasant treat to meet him," BJ said smiling.

"I'll ask him…see you soon," he said smiling as they hugged.

"Bye buddy…"

"Oh…Peg, if you see Margaret, tell her she's always welcome to come visit me as well," Peg smiled softly and nodded as she gripped BJ's hand. With another quick wave Ben walked towards his plane.

Benjamin Pierce sat at the kitchen table eating dinner his father had made, "so did you tell her?" Daniel asked.

"Oh I told her…she didn't reply," Daniel sighed.

"Maybe she wasn't ready to hear the truth. I'm proud of you son."

"Thanks dad…dad do you ever regret….not marrying Emily?" Daniel looked at his son.

"Do you regret me not marrying her?"

"I made you dump her," he sounded like a twelve year old child again. Part of Daniel desperately missed his little twelve year old boy, but another part saw the adult hurting inside and knew he was more important.

Leaning across the table he looked his son straight in the eyes, "I didn't marry her because I wasn't in love with her. Son, no one would ever take priority over you in my life. I could see she thought that she should be number one."

"You know, when I grow up I wanna be just like you," Daniel chuckled shaking his head.

"Good because when I grow up I wanna be like you," Daniel sat down beside his son.

"Mom sure must have had her hands full with us," Ben grinned gently. Daniel nodded.

"Boy did she ever, Hawk…Ben son, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I'm sorry you never got to say goodbye."

"Dad, remember when I was eight and I asked you if mom was going to die, and you said no, then I asked if you were going to die."

"I believe I do, I also remember telling you'd I'd try and be here for as long as possible."

"Well, I want you to know, that after all these years, I still need you. Maybe not for the same things, but I still need you," Daniel smiled.

"Korea made you sentimental," Ben chuckled and nodded.

"Korea made me old to, but I'm not complaining," Daniel shook his head.

"Smart mouth."

"From your lips dad."

_"Hawkeye?" he looked up through the tent and smiled as he saw her beautiful blue eyes. _

_"Hey solider, what's wrong?" he joked with her gently. She looked at him sadly._

_"Can I talk to you?" He had been expecting this, ever since she had told him she was going to divorce Donald. He patted his bed in all seriousness and waited for her to sit down on his cot._

_"I'm all ears," he said smiling._

_"I'm scared Hawkeye."_

_"Why? Why on earth are you scared, besides the loud noises, the horrible blood and this damn war?"_

_"I don't…what if Donald is the best I'll ever have," she whispered gently. Hawkeye looked at her, suddenly more serious than ever before._

_"Margaret why in God's name would you ever think something like that. You deserve and will get much better than Donald, he doesn't deserve to even look at you. You're going to find an amazing guy, who will love you for everything that's good about you," she raised an eyebrow at him. "They're going to love you for your humor, your passion, your stubbornness, even your voice. If the person has any brains in his head he'll see exactly what I see and fall madly in love with you. You're beautiful, you're kind, and you're sweet. You are perfect, will all your faults. A smart man couldn't possibly ask for more," she looked at him. Stunned by what she was telling him._

_"Thank you Hawkeye, it's good to know I can talk to someone," she whispered. He grinned and pressed a kiss to her cheek._

_"Anytime Margaret."_

Hawkeye sighed as he rolled over on his side, looking at the pictures of his friends on his bedside table along with the picture of his mother. Shaking his head he rolled back over to his other side and closed his eyes, praying for quick sleep.

"Start him on an IV and I want blood pumped in every eight hours," Hawkeye said as he stood over the bed looking down at the sweet kid, "Don't worry Jim, you'll be out of here before Christmas," he patted the kid's leg.

"Thanks Hawkeye," the boy called as Hawkeye and the nursed headed out of the room. They stopped by the side of the desk.

"The next few hours are going to get uncomfortable for him Sharon, so call his mother see if she can't get down here for the evening, also see if you can't find a book or something for him to do."

"And the kidney?"

"Hopefully we'll have one to transplant by tomorrow," Hawkeye said gently. She nodded and headed behind the desk, while Hawkeye continued finishing up some paperwork.

"You look exhausted," came her unexpected voice. He didn't move, he couldn't, afraid she wouldn't be there when he turned around.

"I feel exhausted," he replied slowly turning. He came face to face with the woman he loved more than anything. She smiled gently at him, "what are you doing here?"

"Well, this funny thing happened to me several days ago. This man; a man who I fell for in for Korea, told me he loved me."

"Really, and how did you respond?" Hawkeye asked.

"That's the ting, I didn't really say anything. For what felt like the hundredth time, I let him just walk away. I never told him a thing."

"Why," He asked casually, his stomach churning with ideas.

"Because I was scared. Which is even more ironic because this man was the one who really taught me that fear and pain was okay to feel," reaching out she touched his cheek. "It's not going to be easy Hawkeye; we're both stubborn as bulls. We both hate being wrong. I'm demanding, so demanding that I don't even let the man I love in. You'll never come home and see me waiting with dinner. I'll never bring you your slippers. And emotions will always come a little hard for me. But a wise man once said when you love someone you're always in trouble, you either stop loving them or love them a whole lot more," tears filled her beautiful eyes.

Hawkeye smiled and reached down, placing his hands on her face and neck, "we'll work together, because that's what love is all about, and I do love you Margaret."

Leaning down their lips met, the kiss full of passion and love, his arms wrapped around her waist, "I love you too, so very much," she replied kissing him again.


End file.
